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In a recent workshop, a young woman asked why men tend to get paid more than women. Partly, it’s a vestige of the days when people thought working women took jobs from men with families to support. If a woman was hired at all, she got much less because she “didn’t really have to work.”

Also, many women are less aggressive in salary negotiations because it goes against their upbringing. Women are often taught to be “nice” to “avoid confrontation,” and they fear being seen as “pushy” or ”overly aggressive.”  

Consequently, many women have never played the game of  negotiations well. The results are often devastating to women’s incomes. Not only do they miss the immediate gain of a higher  salary when they are initially hired, but raises are often based on a percentage of current earnings. One academic estimated that a 22-year-old woman who accepts a $25,000 starting salary instead of negotiating for $30,000 could lose over $500,000 by the time she reaches 60.

Equally devastating is the impact on self-esteem, attitude, and future promotions. A client named Cindy was a superstar in her department. She got the tough assignments, and masterfully completed them. All was well until she saw a list of salaries in the department someone had passed around the office. Cindy was dumbfounded when she noticed that a man who been hired  a few months ago at her same level was earning $10,000 more than she was—for doing much less work!  

Cindy said, “That day, I lost all motivation for the job. After that, I just went through the motions.”  She became a prime  candidate for a layoff and career downfall. Fortunately, she  started working on a job move before she suffered the consequences of the decline in her performance.

When she became a client, it took a lot of work to overcome her reluctance to ask for what she’s worth. We told her that by developing their negotiating skills, women not only get more money, but they also tend to get more respect. Often, their work is valued more than when they just accept whatever is offered.

Here’s what we recommended to Cindy—and other women (and men!) who are “patsies” at negotiations.

First, realize that negotiating well doesn’t equal being “pushy” and “obnoxious.” It’s expected.

Second, do your homework to find out what people are getting paid for the kind of position you are seeking. Good sources include several web sites, professional associations, peers, and watching the ads in the paper for salaries offered.

Third, study the rules of salary negotiations (Jack Chapman’s book, “Negotiating Your Salary: How to Make $1,000 a Minute” is nationally recognized as a “bible” for job hunters).   Develop your responses to employer salary questions.

Fourth, practice with a friend, family member, or career coach so that you anchor your new responses and the new behavior in your body.

Cindy was very stressed when we suggested that she push hard for more money and certain benefits and perks.  She protested, “But I’ve never done such a thing. Aren’t I being ungrateful? What if they get mad and rescind their offer?”

In the end, she did great.  She was floored when they agreed to a $5,000 signing bonus, tuition reimbursement, and starting pay of $10,000 above their initial offer. Like many women, Cindy found that she can win the salary negotiations game.

These days, salary negotiation skills are not just a luxury to get more money, but are critical to your survival in a competitive job market.

Many people complain they’ve been screened out of contention for jobs because they’re “overqualified” (read:  highly paid). 

What to do? 

The first rule of salary negotiations is to avoid salary discussions until the employer offers the job.  Talking about salary too early may lead the boss to decide that:

a)    He can underpay you; or
b)    You are not as qualified as the smooth-talking, but much-less-qualified candidate, who earns $15,000 more than you; or
c)    You are too expensive, and not worth an interview. 

Here’s how to respond.

1)    THE EMPLOYER DEMANDS YOUR SALARY  HISTORY
Many job application forms have boxes for you to fill in your previous salaries.  Job ads sometimes request a salary history—sometimes they threaten you with disqualification if you don’t comply. 

Solution:  Politely decline to give them the information.  Leave the salary boxes on the job application blank, but put an asterisk with a phrase like, “would be glad to discuss in an interview.”  If you are responding to an ad, write in your cover letter, “I am making a competitive salary for a _____ (your position) with ___ years experience, and I will be happy to discuss salary in an interview.” 

Most employers are interested in finding good talent to solve their problems–with or without a salary history.   It’s far better to not disclose salary; revealing it opens you to being screened out for making to much or too little.  You might also box yourself into being underpaid. 

2) TELEPHONE SCREENINGS  
Employers screen candidates by phone before agreeing to a face-to-face interview.  During the screening, the employer asks about past salary or current requirements. 

Solution:  As in a face-to-face interview, your strategy is to convince the interviewer that salary will not be an issue.  You might respond, “I’m sure you pay fair salaries, don’t you?”  or “I’d like to fit into your salary structure, if you think I’m the best candidate.  Can we talk about the job?”  If the interviewer is persistent, you might say, “I’m very uncomfortable talking about money at this point, since I don’t want to get screened out because I was making too much or too little.” 

If the interviewer still persists, you might say, “Could you give me the range you have in mind?  I’ll tell you if we’re in the right ballpark.”

3) COMPANY WEBSITES FORCE SALARY DISCLOSURE  
Some company web sites won’t allow applicants to complete job applications without giving a desired salary range.   

Solution:  Give a salary range that won’t get you screened out for the position. Negotiate for what you are worth later.  This  carries some danger of being boxed into a low salary, but good negotiations can compensate for any damage done.  

Many people believe that you’re either born with negotiation skills or you’re not.  Hopefully, this small illustration demonstrates that you can learn and improve your past performance, and will spur you to become more effective.

Nothing knocks you out of an interview faster than mishandling the salary question.

The key to success is coming from a place of confidence: it won’t be an issue if you’re right for the job.

Prepare by creating and memorizing a “put off the question” phrase customized to you and your style. One phrase answers “What are you looking for?” The other answers: “What are [were] you making in your current [previous] position?”

Usually, the employer wants to know if you’re affordable and you’re the right caliber of candidate for the job. Your research can give you a general idea of what’s affordable for the employer, but you can’t know for sure—especially these days. Rather than guessing, use one of the phrases below.

Here are some answers to the dreaded salary question:

“I’m really uncomfortable talking about salary now. I don’t want to get screened out because I was making too much or too little. Can we discuss the job—and if it’s a good fit, I’m sure we can come up with a number that will work for both of us.”

“I believe in being paid for the value I produce for a company. Can we talk about how I can produce value for you before we discuss salary?”

“I’m sure you pay fair wages. If you decide I’m the right candidate, I’m sure we can work something out.”

Career changer going into a new industry and facing a pay cut:

“I was making a lot. Frankly, I don’t expect to make what I was being paid before. I’d like to fit into your salary structure.”

If you’re in sales, you might say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that information. Certainly, if I was working for you, I would never reveal that sort of information to a customer.”

If the employer is insistent, you can move to the second rule, and let the employer go first:

“You probably couldn’t afford what I was making. What is the range that you’re looking to pay?” or

“Give me an idea of the range you have in mind, and I’ll let you know if we’re in the right ballpark.”

Artful handling of these salary questions can mean the difference between being seriously considered—and getting a quick rejection.